Are You Tired Of Feeling Out-Of-Tune With Your Partner?
Does it feel like there is a huge disconnect when it comes to communication between you and your partner? Do you constantly fight about everything, even the smallest of issues? Has the intimacy and closeness in your relationship suffered because you can’t seem to get on the same page?
Perhaps you feel like a stranger in your own relationship. Or it may seem as if you’re constantly walking on eggshells, feeling stuck or conflicted about what to do for your relationship. On one hand, you love your partner and want your relationship to work. On the other hand, it may feel like the problems you’re facing are so deeply rooted that you don’t know where to begin to solve them without falling back into patterns of fighting, miscommunication or avoidance. Maybe your relationship has been affected by your or your partner’s substance abuse or alcoholism, and you’re worried that your relationship just won’t make it.
Alternately, you may have been happily married for a long time, but a recent shift in the family (such as children moving out) has left you struggling to transition to a new normal. Or perhaps the stress of it all is taking a toll on your mental health. You may even feel scared to bring up the issue to your partner out of uncertainty about how they’ll respond.
Do you wish you could stop feeling so out-of-tune with your partner? Are you yearning to have the kind of close-knit and supportive relationship you deserve?
Every Couple Has Their Issues
Whether you’ve been with your partner for a year, ten years, or forty years―every single couple goes through ups and downs and will face their own unique issues and concerns. When one problem is resolved, another will arise: this is simply how life works. And from time to time, small and large stressors can affect us all.
Relationships are complex because there are two distinct people each playing a role within it. Regardless of how similarly you and your partner were raised, you two are still unique individuals with independent opinions, mindsets, and personalities. This is one of the best parts of a relationship-finding someone you are genuinely compatible with and with whom you want to spend your life. Unfortunately, differing personalities or priorities can also lead to disagreements, fighting, and hostility.
There are many reasons why your relationship might hit a speed bump. Money issues, conflict of parenting styles, and work-related stress are all extremely common problems for couples, and there is no shame in finding yourself experiencing one (or many) of them. Often, a lack of communication lies at the root of many of these issues.
Fortunately, with the help of a couples therapist, you can establish better communication skills with your partner and learn to manage life’s stressors as a team.
Couples Therapy Can Help Your Relationship Get Back On Track
It’s very common for couples to begin blaming one another or becoming defensive when relationship problems arise. As a couples therapist, I’ve seen firsthand just how beneficial it is when each partner comes to understand the role they play in relationship issues. It’s not a blame game, nor is one party solely responsible for all issues in the relationship. It may be true that there is a fair amount of pursuing and withdrawing in your relationship; you try to open up, and your partner emotionally shuts you down. Or maybe you can’t even pinpoint exactly what your problem is, but there obviously is one. Whatever the situation, I’ve worked with couples on a whole spectrum of emotional availability and communication skills. If both partners want the relationship to work, there are breakthroughs to be had.
No two couples are the same, but there are similarities in the ways relationship issues play out. The longer an issue goes undiscussed, the more it will fester and eventually lead to distrust or a loss of hope that the relationship can work itself out. All too often, resentment grows when one person feels their partner isn’t trying hard enough to rectify any problems. However, sometimes the other person doesn’t even realize just how upset their partner is. This vicious cycle of holding back feelings and lack of communication only makes problems worse.
I utilize emotionally focused couples therapy (EFT) to effectively help my clients understand both their own and their partner’s emotions. When issues arise in sessions, I aim to deescalate conflict and allow both partners to really look at the deeper issues-the emotions lying behind the actions. Instead of inciting anger, I help you and your partner empathize with one another’s experiences in the relationship and create an environment to express emotions safely.
EFT not only enhances your empathy for one another, but it can also increase closeness and intimacy. When you feel close to your partner, you can allow yourself to be more vulnerable and open for deep conversations. And when you feel intimate with your partner, you will be more inclined to work with them as a team instead of isolating when a problem arises in the future. In fact, nearly 75 percent of couples who go through EFT couples therapy will experience a significant increase in closeness, intimacy and compassion.
Perhaps you’re interested in couples therapy, but you still have some concerns…
What if couples therapy won’t work for us?
It’s completely normal to be hesitant about putting yourself in the hands of a stranger to help your relationship. For many couples, seeking outside help feels like an admission that they couldn’t solve the problems on their own. My goal isn’t to tell you how to solve your problems. Rather, I am here to help you both find a new, unbiased, healthy way to stimulate intimate conversation so you learn how to work through life’s challenges together.
We don’t have time for couples therapy.
Your time is valuable, and I completely understand. However, your relationship is likely one of the most important things in your life. It’s an investment; one that is worthwhile to nourish. If you make the time to engage in even just a few couples sessions, I am positive that it will help your relationship greatly in the long run. I also offer video teleconferencing for couples who are in a long-distance relationship, aren’t in the area, or prefer this mode of therapy.
What if my partner doesn’t want to come to couples therapy?
For a relationship to work, both parties have to be equally invested. If your partner has concerns, I recommend you ask them to give me a call. I can answer any questions they may have, and help them understand just how much therapy can benefit both of you. If they still don’t want to come, you are encouraged to seek therapy for yourself and use your new skills and understanding to motivate your partner to join.
Start Improving Your Relationship
If you would like help to achieve greater intimacy and understanding in your relationship, please call 561-287-0942 for a 15-minute consultation to learn how couples therapy can help your relationship flourish.