Mindful Therapist, INC

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Treatment For Codependency

Are You Worried That Your Relationship With Your Loved One May Be Unhealthy?

Are you so preoccupied with your loved one’s needs that you ignore your own? Perhaps your self-esteem is largely dependent on their love or approval. You may routinely acquiesce to their wishes to avoid conflict. This lack of boundaries (most noticeable with those who are closest to you) may also show up in your relationships with friends or colleagues.

Are the anxiety and depression involved with taking care of your loved one depressing your immune system? This is especially likely if you have been overworking, eating poorly, or otherwise neglecting self-care. Perhaps you have placed your professional goals or personal interests on hold and you wonder what life would be like if you could prioritize your own wellbeing instead of always focusing on your loved one.

Have you noticed troubling patterns in your relationships? And even if you have been abused or neglected, have you hesitated to end those relationships? If your loved one is also suffering from alcoholism or other addiction, you may wonder how you can support them without losing who you are in the effort.

If codependency and/or your loved one’s addiction is putting a strain on the relationship, your instinct may be to focus all of your attention on them. However, you may have already begun to realize that you can accomplish much more by focusing on your own growth and healing.

Addiction And Codependency Often Go Hand-In-Hand

While psychologists and researchers are still refining their definition of codependency, they estimate that millions of Americans are codependent. Codependency can arise out of low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues. Most commonly, though, codependency is thought to arise as a result of living with someone struggling with addiction. Considering that more than 20 million Americans have at least one addiction, the prevalence of codependency is no surprise.

Some people initially develop codependent thoughts and behaviors as the spouse or parent of someone suffering from an addiction. For others, being raised by a caretaker dealing with addiction can set the stage for codependency. Children of alcoholics, for example, often bring codependent behaviors into their adult relationships-long after their parents have quit drinking or passed away.

Long-term neglect, abuse, or exposure to addiction can increase your tolerance of the pain that comes with these situations, making codependency harder to recognize. Oftentimes, it takes the realization that you have been enabling a loved one’s unhealthy behaviors to alert you to the problem. But even then you may feel too ashamed of your loved one’s behavior (or your own enablement of it) to talk about the issue.

Many people are naturally very guarded about family addiction and codependency issues until they find someone who understands what they are going through. As a therapist, I not only understand what it’s like to struggle with these issues, but I can also help you strike a healthier balance between helping others and taking care of yourself.

Codependency Therapy Can Provide Insight, Inspiration, And Healing

I offer individual and group-based codependency therapy for people affected by addiction and other relationship problems. It may seem counterintuitive to undergo codependency treatment yourself if your partner, spouse, or child seems to be in even greater need of mental health services. But by working on your own mental health, you can become a stronger support for those who rely on you.

Codependency therapy can help you survive the ups and downs of your relationship and provide you with a roadmap for the future. For the families of those suffering from addiction, the process starts with education about the rehabilitation process.

Perhaps you’ve been thinking that the more you provide for your loved one, the better things will turn out. If they’re struggling with addiction, you might hope that your involvement can somehow save them. However, making things easier for your loved one in the short term can, in fact, make it harder for them to succeed down the road. For example, providing an alcoholic with money when they have been hopping from relapse to relapse may actually inhibit their recovery. As you relinquish any distorted views about your relationship or your loved one’s recovery, you may be better able to let go of any feelings of guilt or shame.

Of course, it can be difficult to know the difference between enabling and helping. This is especially true if you are filled with fear or have a very nurturing instinct. I can help you understand and more fully experience these emotions and inclinations, giving you greater control over your own decisions.

Codependency can deplete a person physically and emotionally. By learning to put yourself first and setting healthy boundaries, you can rebuild your energy reserves. With my help, you’ll soon be empowered to communicate your boundaries clearly and firmly.

If your dependency issues are related to an active addiction or recovering addict, you may be experiencing a great deal of uncertainty and change. To help you better handle the unexpected, I’ll provide you with mindfulness exercises and other tools to calm yourself and respond more rationally.

Family and friends of those struggling with addiction often underestimate what it will take for them to get sober, which increases relapse rates. Fortunately, individuals whose families receive guidance via individual or group therapy greatly improve their success rates.

Throughout my years working as a therapist, I have treated many addicted individuals, and I understand their needs. I also understand what it’s like to be on the “taking” side of a codependent relationship. However, my specialty is providing support for the families of addicts and for the “givers” in codependent relationships. If you’re having a hard time overcoming codependency on your own, I will take your hand and guide you through this time of adversity. And as you learn to care for yourself and develop greater independence and resilience, you will be able to more effectively care for others.

As you consider codependency counseling, you may have some concerns. . .

I would feel selfish focusing on myself when my loved one is struggling.

If you’ve been struggling with codependency, it will indeed feel very strange to focus on your own needs. It may even feel “wrong” to put yourself first, especially if your loved one has problems with addiction or other mental health issues. However, the best way to support them is by educating, healing, and empowering yourself first. It’s just like responding to an emergency on an airplane-you should put on your own oxygen mask before attempting to help others.

I’m not sure if individual therapy or codependency group therapy would work best for me.

Many codependent individuals with addicted family members have had bad experiences with 12-step addiction programs and other support groups for the families of addicts. A lot of these programs lack the guidance of a licensed mental health professional and the support of a vetted group. In contrast, I personally lead my codependency group therapy sessions to ensure conversations are comfortable and productive. As a result, some of my clients are actually most comfortable in the group environment.

That said, I recommend that most of my clients undergo individual codependency therapy and complete an initial assessment with me before joining the group. While every individual has different needs, most people are more comfortable joining the group after they have built up a level of trust and openness with me and my practice.

Will my relationship with my loved one change as a result of therapy?

In some cases, I may recommend you begin to let go of a certain role. For example, if you have been acting as your spouse’s caregiver, I may encourage you to gradually relinquish some of your parental inclinations. However, most of my clients find that establishing healthier roles and boundaries with loved ones actually strengthens their relationships in the long term and allows them to reduce their level of conflict.

You Can Transform Your Codependent Relationship Into An Opportunity For Growth

I have nearly 20 years of experience working with codependent individuals, including the families of people suffering from addiction. Whether your codependency was brought about by low self-esteem, a rough childhood, an addicted loved one, or all of the above, I can help.

I offer individual codependency counseling and group therapy to help the families of addicts and others affected by codependency strike a better balance between caretaking and self-care. If you are ready to get started, or if you have additional questions about individual or group therapy, I invite you to contact me at 561-287-0942.